Changes n dreams

recently, i was officially single again...
yeah, she said that she couldnt be sure whether she still love me or not...
n i was afraid...
to lose everything that i've fought for...
just like i couldnt be sure whether i could go back to Semarang to find works.
why you said?
i'm not in Semarang for 10 years, mind you...
i wont know its latest development, trends, market, everythin...

when i was in highschool,
i thought that i'd go to univ, or go straight to work,
find a spouse, get married,
have kids, raised them,
live happily ever after,
n died a happy man...
but that was some dreams...

in fact, i am quite scared of this world...
where we could find anything happened by minutes...
n i'm just trapped inside this whole nightmare...

dreams...
where it could lead everythin into somethin...
hope...
even a better life...
or a simple life that i was always dreamed of...
i know it'd be a lot to ask...
but at least that i'm tryin...
i want to make Semarang n Indonesia a better place to live...
coz its my hometown, my country...
where i want to grow old,
livin my dreams over...

n yet i know that i had to work hard to achieve those dreams...
n i dont took everythin for granted...
thank you God,
for everythin that You had gave me...

Never Knowing
Shocking but we're nothing
We're just moments
We're clever but we are clueless
We're just human
Amusing but confusing
But the truth is
All we got is questions
We'll never know
Never Know

peace out,
xain.

I'm just a med student...

i want to talk bout the education system in China today.
yeah, why you said?
coz lately, i'm doin my thesis.
n i'm sure as hell that it took a lot of my time as a student,
but i'm enjoyin it at least,
i heard from my friends in Indonesia,
that they're not as free as i would in here,
i had a fixed time to write our thesis,
a fixed time to make my presentation (around april or may)
a fixed time to be graduated (june), in three years, or nothin at all...
unlike my friends that could be graduated in years,
depending how much did they suck up their mentors in campus...

as a medical student here,
i had to do my clinical practices too.
i had to filed my researches,
got some funds taken directly from my tuition fees,
while still doin all the dirt work in the hospital i'm workin in,
yeah, you know the sayin that goes...
we, med students, are the lowest thing in the food chain...
but i'm grateful that i'm not in Indonesia,
where the funds werent so much as i got, or werent available at all,
for so many reasons they could think of...
got forsaken in some places far away from civilisation,
well, you could apply to work in a city if you'd wished so...for a fee...
one of my friends applied to work in Semarang,
paid 5 hundred millions rupiah,
only to be rejected, n the money's gone...
one of my friends claimed that he works in Jakarta,
in a small hospital, when the director of the hospital got his beemer in an accident (not insured)
n my friend had to pay for it if he wanted to get any grades at all in that hospital...
well, it's just some things that happened...

n recently i saw a box in my school n hospital (government institution)
where you could report some scams, corruptions that happened in the institution
an agent from the government made sure that it'd be opened everyday,
i wanted to see the same thing in Indonesia...
well, either it'd have worked or not in China,
at least they've tried...
at least they fights corruptions better than Indonesia.
i even remembered the former PM of China, Zhu Rongji's word when he was elected.
he said: give me 100 coffins...
99 for those corruptors, n 1 for me if you could find me corrupt...
he was educated in US, mind you...so he could be so bold to made any such statement.
i know for a fact that every country in the world has its corruption system...
either they wanted it or not...
the problem is, its so huge in Indonesia...

peace out,
xain.